Some of the best advice in life is the most painful.

Mine came from a mentor, Dianne Connely. She is the co-founder of the acupuncture school I went to. And the title of this blog is the advice she gave to me; “Stop Navel Gazing”…at a time when I was the most raw and in pain I’d ever been in.

It hurt because it was both true, and NOT at all what I wanted to hear. I was in pain emotionally because I wanted something very badly in my life and it just wasn’t happening.

It might seem silly as you read this, but it’s brutally honest, and it’s an important story about transformation and growth. As with all my stories, my hope is that you can see the parallels with you, your goals, and places in your life where you’re struggling.

You may not know it, but I’m a bit of a sap. Unlike most dudes who watch the UFC, hike the entire Appalachian Trail and love kettlebells, I wanted badly to be in a relationship most of my 20’s. Not to date, because that was easy being one guy in a school full of women. But to be in a meaningful relationship and build a family.

I actually had a lot of depression around this to the point of being suicidal. I never actually tried to take my life, but I had intense visualization of taking my life. As I said, this is brutal honesty here.

Have you been at rock bottom like this? Maybe suffering with substance abuse, or experiencing a tragedy, a diagnosis, a loss, etc?

Then you understand how strong and palpable the feelings are. How real and powerful they are.

So I went to the one person that I knew would both be brutally honest and have amazing insight. But her advice was not what I expected.

She didn’t say, “poor baby.” She didn’t sympathize, strategize or just act as a good listener and let me sulk. She told me to “STOP NAVEL GAZING.”

She told me to stop being selfish and looking for the world to give me happiness. She told me to open my heart and my eyes, get out of my way, serve people and care deeply about them.

This wasn’t the answer I was looking for…or was it?

Damn her! She was right. The goal (meeting a woman and starting a family) certainly wasn’t immediate. But that year I started my acupuncture practice and put my focus on serving clients. I had to get out of my own selfish way and focus on genuinely helping others.

I look back and realize that I eventually got my reward. I met Abby (I actually already knew her at the time…but it took a while), we got pregnant, we got married (yes, in that order) and then we build this beautiful family. That’s the end result sure, but that’s really not the point.

The point is, you won’t get where you want…to get through physical or emotional pain, to reach a big goal that takes sacrifice…without getting out of your way. The point is- stop focusing on what you want so badly that it becomes a selfish obsession. If you want fat loss and health, stop obsessing on the scale. I know it’s strange, but it’s necessary.

You have to make your goal and your transformation about a lot more than the end goal. I didn’t find love because I obsessed on it. I found love because I stopped focusing on what I wanted, I focused on leading and helping others heal, and I “attracted” my goal to me.

How can this relate to health and fat loss? Here’s just one way.

Let’s say your goal is to lose 50 lbs. You start off with a plan, take measurements, start a diet and exercise program…than bam! No weight loss.

It’s time for a pitty party. “Nothing good ever happens to me.” “I told you I can’t lose weight.”

These are all the nasty little words the voice in your head will tell you. They aren’t true unless you empower them, but they sure feel real. And if you keep listening to those words, if you keep navel gazing and focusing on what you’re not getting, you’ll just keep asking the world for more of the same.

TURN the energy around. Focus on what you actually have control over, what you love about being healthy, and what new habits you’re excited to live by (whether they bring immediate change or not!!!).

And most of all, focus on celebrating every little change you make every day. Show gratitude for your actions. Be a LEADER for change by modeling your new habits…and again, at all times, you stay committed to this no matter what the f-ing scale tells you.

Then guess what? Here’s the magic. You are not special! Sorry, but it’s the truth. Just like my advice was painful, here’s mine. NOTHING makes you different than anyone else. YOU are completely capable of burning fat and transforming quickly no matter what your excuse and inner voice tells you. But if you want to believe that at the core and experience amazing transformation, you have to make that change internally.

If you’re reading this and you feel jazzed, then I want to tell you about a program I’m offering for the first time ever. It addresses everything I’ve just discussed. The EMOTIONAL transformation that has to occur to create quick and spontaneous change. I’m taking only 20 members for this highly supportive 8 week program, starting in just two weeks on October 1st.

The program is called the Effortless Transformation Challenge. It’s designed for women and men looking not only to burn fat and get healthy, but to reverse old patterns and head-trash that are holding you back.

If you are someone ready to unlock the chains to your potential; someone who deeply craves this kind of release and wants to let go of the old patterns that hold you back; someone with a big goal that you’re ready to achieve…GO HERE NOW to apply.

Dedicated to your health,

David Beares